The Science of Love -1

“The eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love.” Margaret Atwood  You know that feeling; that feeling of longing. It’s the ache that something vital is missing from your life. You want more; more meaning, more connection, more energy – more something. Longing is that feeling that course through your body just before you decide that you’re restless, lonely, or unhappy. Longing is not a state of mind, it’s physical. Your whole body craves some essential nutrient that it’s not getting, that is quite difficult to define. Sometimes you can numb this ache with a deep dive into work and television. More often than not, though, these and other attempts to fill the aching void are just temporary distractions. What you are longing for is love. Love is the essential nutrient that your cells crave: true positive connection with other living beings. Love nourishes your body the way the right balance of sunlight, nutrient soil, and water nourishes plants and allow them to flourish. The more you experience it, the more you open up and grow, becoming wiser and more attuned, more resilient and effective, happier and healthier. You grow spiritually as well, better able to see, feel, and appreciate the deep interconnections that tie you to others. Just as your body was designed to extract oxygen from the earth’s atmosphere, and nutrients from the foods you ingest, your body was designed to love. New science of love for the first time is able to prove this to be true. We know today, that the love you do or do not experience may quite literally change key aspects of cellular architecture that affect [...]

It is difficult to talk to my partner. How do I get my partner to open up?

Every couple has a dance, a cycle. There are moments that the couple is fully in sync with each other, but there are moments of missteps. In the dance of tango there is no script, is the connection with the partner that determines the next step. If we are not in sync, we will step on each other toes. Every couple has those moments, but we need to repair the disconnection. Complaints and criticism towards our partner are not the best ways to repair the disconnection. These actions may lead our partner to shut down and be distant emotionally. It's important to do some self-evaluation. Are you emotionally and physically available to your partner? Is it easy for your partner to access you? Is your partner able to share his or her feelings with you? Whenever someone is struggling, the person will send out some signals. Can you pick up the signals your partner is sending you? A good start is to begin a conversation about the sense of disconnection you have noticed and difficulty both of you are having in communicating with one another.  Ask your partner about the things you might be doing that are causing him or her to shut down. This is a difficult step, but it can be helping in restoring connection.   When listening, keep your mind and heart open to hear your partner's views of the problem. Make sure to set aside any kind of judgment about the things your partner is sharing with you. Be humble to see that there are new things to be learned. Let the words come and have an impact in your life. Listening to your partner's perspective, shows that you respect his or her thoughts and [...]

Try These Tips for a Long Lasting Marriage

  We all hear the statistics of how 50% of all marriages end in divorce. So if you are already married or about to get married, what can you do to avoid becoming a divorce statistic? Here are some thoughts that can increase the likelihood of making your marriage last.   Communication – This is critical to any relationship, but especially to a marriage. If you don’t talk about the good, the bad and even the ugly, your spouse is going to have no idea that something is wrong. Ask about your spouse’s day, how they are feeling. Getting comfortable with the small talk will make the “Big Talks” less stressful. Have Fun – Let’s face it, we all like to have fun. Make sure that you have fun together. Whether it is a sport, a movie, or even playing a board game, do something fun together. Make them laugh and don’t forget to laugh at yourself. Respect Their Space - We all need some “me” time. How often can vary by person and by what is going on in their life. Give your spouse that space. Whether it is letting them sleep in on a Saturday morning, going for a solo walk or drive, let them go. They will appreciate the time on their own and will love you even more for giving it to them. Forgive – No one on this Earth is perfect. We are all going to make mistakes at some point in our marriage. Learn to forgive your spouse. Holding on to past grievances is not only toxic for a marriage, but it can affect your health. Now I’m not saying you should become a doormat and let your spouse [...]

Time for Some Personal Spring Cleaning

With spring right around the corner, what better time to re-evaluate your personal life? Spring is a time of renewal and rebirth. It is a time when both nature and humans wake up from their long winter’s nap. Let’s take the opportunity to look at our personal lives and make some changes to improve ourselves. Relationships – Are you in a committed relationship? If you are, how is it? Are you happy? Do you and your partner communicate? Are your needs being satisfied? If you answered “no” to any of these questions, take some time to address your feelings. Write down how you are feeling, what could make you feel better and how you would like to communicate. Then set aside some time to discuss your feelings with your partner. If you aren’t in a relationship, are you happy that you aren’t? If you are unhappy, think about what you can do to get into a satisfying relationship. It could be as easy as taking up a new hobby to meet new people or enrolling in a self-improvement course to get you on the right track. Commitments – We all, especially women, have a tendency to over commit ourselves. Whether it is an extra assignment at work, an obligation to a friend or family member, we are BOOKED UP! Take a look at your calendar and evaluate what you HAVE to do. Identify some items that you can delegate to others or simply take off of your calendar. Once you have done that, make sure you schedule some “ME” time on your calendar. If you don’t write it down and block off that time, you won’t do it. Health – Are you up to date [...]

5 Reasons Why Your Ex Should Stay Your Ex

There are many major life moments that each person may go through. Some are easier than others, and then you have the truly hard ones. The hardest thing for most people to go through is breaking up with someone that they care intimately about for multiple reasons. When you share a connection with someone that you think may be the one and it comes to a point where your paths no longer are shared, breaking up is sometimes the answer. Often times, when someone leaves a significant other, they have regrets and consider reconciling and getting back together with them. In a recent study, 44% of emerging adults in the last two years have had a reunion with their ex. With emotions being incredibly intense after a break-up, it is no wonder people may have the regret of breaking up and want to reconcile. However, it is important to look at the situation and evaluate why you left that person in the first place. There is the old saying that many people say of “Your ex is an ex for a reason”. So should you reconcile with your significant other? Take a look at why they are your ex and what made you incompatible with them in the end. These are some reasons why you should not reconcile with an ex: 1. You changed who you were for them – Many times in relationships, one, or both parties, will change who they are for the other person. Yes, there is such thing as changing for the better, but you cannot sacrifice all of who you are for someone else. If you did this, get back to who you are, not who you “were” for that [...]

5 Tips To Show Your Love After Valentine’s Day

As the candles have been blown out, the romantic dinners had, gifts exchanged, and memories created, what do you do now to keep the love moving forward? Just because Valentines Day is over does not mean you have to stop showing the love that you have for someone. Love should not require us to show our significant others the love that they deserve just once a year, but instead daily. Love is something that, given enough tenderness, will grow deeper than you can imagine. Many people have this thought that once Valentines Day is over, that’s it. No need to be extra romantic or extra special towards the one you care for. However, it is even more important to show your significant other after the holiday to remind them what a major factor they are in your life. Here are some simple things to do to keep that romance alive through the year: 1. Flowers – Girls love flowers. Even better, your girl loves flowers sent to her job with a secret little note reminding her of how incredible she is to you. It makes everyone around her jealous and makes her blush and feel important. 2. Dinner – Don’t let going out or cooking for your significant other happen once a year. Make it a romantic occasion at least once a month. Find their favorite recipe, light some candles, put on some romantic music, and when they walk in the door, sweep them off their feet. It’s not every day that someone will sweep his or her significant other off the floor by going above and beyond. Who knows, you might have the romantic evening returned one day! 3. Baths – Really. After a [...]

5 Hot Date Night Ideas He’ll Love

Everyone knows that guys take girls out all the time on dates. However, in this modern society, it’s becoming socially acceptable for women to take their men out too. What is it that you do though with the man that you are spending time with getting to know? There are so many suggestions and ideas out there that sometimes it can get all too overwhelming. Here are some places to start that we hope will help! 1. Your man enjoys the craftier things in life… Craft beer that is. If your man is like most and enjoys beer, you might want to see if he is into craft beers and IPA’s. You might even recommended going to a few of the local breweries around town and watch him light up. The other nice thing is there are generally a few bars or restaurants you can go to that have some really nice wine or appetizers that you could get to enjoy so you’re not left out! 2. Does your man scream and yell… as his team scores the winning point? The one thing men can’t seem to get enough of is their sports. While this may seem the norm for some people, you would be surprised how many women floor their man by purchasing great floor seats to a basketball game, seats above the dugout, or right by the penalty box. Men like to see that you have the same interests as them so if you happen to like a sport he does, surprise him with tickets one day. Even better, ask if you can wear one of his jersey’s when you go to the game together, cheer extra loud for his team, and enjoy [...]

5 Original Date Night Ideas You’ll Both Love

    With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, most couples are planning a night out that includes dinner, flowers and candy. Instead of the same old, same old, why not take it up a notch or two this year? Try out one of these unique ideas listed below: Go on a “first date” – Take your sweetie to the place you went on your first date. Now that you have been together for a while, it will be less stressful than that first time, but still sentimental and romantic. Heads or Tails – Get your honey and get in the car. At each intersection, flip a coin to decide which direction you will take. You never know just where you will end up! Relive Your Childhood – Head out to the batting cage, go-kart track, bowling alley or roller rink. Share some time together just having fun and pretending to be kid and letting go of your worries. Be a Tourist in Your Town - Take your date to the art museum, history museum or aquarium in your town. Schedule in dinner at a local restaurant and make sure and hit the hippest hotspot in town. Stay In – Nothing can show your love like a home cooked meal. Try out a new recipe or whip up their favorite dish. Can’t cook? No worries. Order in. Add in some music and candles and you have the perfect night at a fraction of the cost to go out. We all get complacent at times in our relationships especially those with a spouse or significant other. These ideas can add some creativity to your relationship and remind you why you fell in love in the first [...]

Take A Vacation To Rev Up Your Sex Life!

  On average, Americans receive 13 vacation days per year. A recent study shows that over 50% of us have unused vacation time at the end of the year. So why don’t we use our vacation days? Most of us leave vacation days on the table because we feel we have too much work or can’t afford to travel. A recent research study might just change your mind. The study conducted by experts in psychotherapy and health care show that vacations can help us to live longer and increase our libido in the process. Each of the couples showed increases in energy levels and experienced upswings in their mood. In addition to the emotional changes, the couples showed physical changes as well including decreases in blood pressure and improvement in “waist-hip ratios:”. The study also showed that time away for a couple can strengthen their relationship which in turns increases their sex drive. So with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, what can you do to put this research to the test? Vacation in Your Hometown - Take the opportunity to spend the night or weekend in a nice hotel and explore your town. There are so many things to do in your own town that are often overlooked. Check out your city’s visitor’s bureau or vacation website to get some ideas. “Borrow” a Vacation Home – Talk to a friend or family member who might have a beach house or a mountain home to see if you could borrow it for the weekend. You will be away from home and will be able to spend some time reconnecting with your lover. Check out “Last Minute Deals” – There are several websites that offer deals [...]

Emotional Intimacy: Keeping the Spark Alive

Taken From February 7th, 2013 So many people begin a relationship with someone based on several different factors. These factors include things from looks, smarts, finances, to the emotional connection that is established. However, what do you do when you become intimate and the relationship lacks an emotional connection at that point? When you begin to have an intimate relationship there needs to be some sort of emotional connection. If you lack that connection you can almost be guaranteed it won’t be a fruitful relationship. It turns from being a potential positive relationship to one that becomes disconnected, and possibly hurtful. The connection that is developed with that of emotion creates a deeper and more intimate bond than that of no emotion. Intimacy then becomes a chore, and it becomes repetitive. It becomes something that is loathed or not looked at with interest or excitement. A relationship that doesn’t have the emotional connection becomes so cold that each party may begin to feel guilty for being in that relationship. As times progresses, this could lead to more damage to each party involved as the lack of emotional commitment could lead to lying, cheating, hiding things, addictions, and so much more. The lack of emotion creates a distance that can easily tear a relationship apart. Make sure that when you are in a relationship, that you are emotionally connected with someone. Have that bond that creates excitement and happiness and makes you want to jump your partner when they walk in the door. Take those times during the week to spend time getting to know your partner and make those moments about what makes the other person tick. Find out what your partners [...]