Orlando Counseling

Home/Tag:Orlando Counseling

"Adult romantic love is an attachment bond, just like the one between mother and child." Sue Johnson Society has told us that in order to be independent, healthy adults, we need to separate ourselves from our parents, and learn to not depend on them for nurturing and comfort. However, the need to depend on one person, to know that when we call, that person will be there for us, never disappears. As psychiatrist John Bowlby said, “from the cradle to the grave,” we need to have someone to be there for us from the moment we are born until the moment we die. For this reason, romantic love is not illogical; it is, in fact, the continuation of an ordered plan for our survival. However, there is a difference: our partner doesn’t not have to be there physically. As children, we needed our caregivers in order to safe and protected. As adults, we can use mental images of our partner to call up a sense of connection. Whenever I have to do a presentation, I get anxious and nervous. What I do to calm down, is to picture my husband in mind and his encouraging words. The Laws of Love - 1

The Science of Love -1

“The eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love.” Margaret Atwood  You know that feeling; that feeling of longing. It’s the ache that something vital is missing from your life. You want more; more meaning, more connection, more energy – more something. Longing is that feeling that course through your body just before you decide that you’re restless, lonely, or unhappy. Longing is not a state of mind, it’s physical. Your whole body craves some essential nutrient that it’s not getting, that is quite difficult to define. Sometimes you can numb this ache with a deep dive into work and television. More often than not, though, these and other attempts to fill the aching void are just temporary distractions. What you are longing for is love. Love is the essential nutrient that your cells crave: true positive connection with other living beings. Love nourishes your body the way the right balance of sunlight, nutrient soil, and water nourishes plants and allow them to flourish. The more you experience it, the more you open up and grow, becoming wiser and more attuned, more resilient and effective, happier and healthier. You grow spiritually as well, better able to see, feel, and appreciate the deep interconnections that tie you to others. Just as your body was designed to extract oxygen from the earth’s atmosphere, and nutrients from the foods you ingest, your body was designed to love. New science of love for the first time is able to prove this to be true. We know today, that the love you do or do not experience may quite literally change key aspects of cellular architecture that affect [...]

It is difficult to talk to my partner. How do I get my partner to open up?

Every couple has a dance, a cycle. There are moments that the couple is fully in sync with each other, but there are moments of missteps. In the dance of tango there is no script, is the connection with the partner that determines the next step. If we are not in sync, we will step on each other toes. Every couple has those moments, but we need to repair the disconnection. Complaints and criticism towards our partner are not the best ways to repair the disconnection. These actions may lead our partner to shut down and be distant emotionally. It's important to do some self-evaluation. Are you emotionally and physically available to your partner? Is it easy for your partner to access you? Is your partner able to share his or her feelings with you? Whenever someone is struggling, the person will send out some signals. Can you pick up the signals your partner is sending you? A good start is to begin a conversation about the sense of disconnection you have noticed and difficulty both of you are having in communicating with one another.  Ask your partner about the things you might be doing that are causing him or her to shut down. This is a difficult step, but it can be helping in restoring connection.   When listening, keep your mind and heart open to hear your partner's views of the problem. Make sure to set aside any kind of judgment about the things your partner is sharing with you. Be humble to see that there are new things to be learned. Let the words come and have an impact in your life. Listening to your partner's perspective, shows that you respect his or her thoughts and [...]

Meu marido/esposa não se interessa sexualmente por mim. O que está errado?

Quando alguém se depara com uma situação como essa já imagina que está sendo traída, mas nem sempre é isso que está acontecendo. A verdade é que a vida sexual não é um tema comum nas conversas entre casais, mas isso está errado. É preciso ter a clareza de que um esfriamento na vida sexual, em geral, não é o problema e sim o reflexo de uma outra dificuldade do casal. O sexo é um complemento do relacionamento. A primeira recomendação é falar com o parceiro sobre o problema, explicar que percebeu um afastamento e que gostaria de se reaproximar. Apenas com uma conversa franca, o casal vai conseguir encontrar a dificuldade existente e se reconectar. Aprenda o que a ciência diz sobre o amor. 

3 Needs Of Your Workaholic Partner

Do you ever feel that your partner never has time for you?  Is your husband spending long hours at work and very short hours at home?  Is your wife always exhausted when she sees you? If you are answering yes to these questions, you might be in a relationship with a workaholic.  The vocation is the life of the workaholic.  This person is married, usually with children, but is obsessed with the career.  He can’t understand why his wife is not happy with his accomplishments and the things he is providing.  But for the workaholic, it’s not about the money – it’s a search for meaning.  His life is completely out of balance.     In order to understand your partner, it’s important to understand the inner drive motivating his behaviors. These are the 3 inner needs of individuals we call workaholics: 1. Need for significance.  Many workaholics suffer from a deep feeling of inferiority.  This feeling is probably rooted in childhood when parents relayed the message, “You are not as smart as your brother.  You are not as good as your sister.” The work is an attempt to overcome the feelings of inferiority. 2.  Need to be loved.   Many workaholics also feel unloved.  The messages they received from their parents were, “We love you if get straight A’s.  We love you if you make your bed and do the dishes.”  The conditional love prepares the child to be become a workaholic adult. 3. Need for achievement.  The workaholic believes that the best way to accomplish something of value is to seek the career with passion, to gather a successful financial portfolio, a big house and a nice car.  The workaholic is constantly [...]

Positive Self-Talk – 5 Strategies To Monitor Your Self-Talk

Thinking in a positive way and stopping the negative thinking pattern is a good strategy you can use to handle the stress you might be experiencing in just about any circumstance. A positive mood can increase your ability to process new information and it helps improve your self-esteem. Can you teach yourself to think positively? ABSOLUTELY! You can use cognitive restructuring, a process of replacing the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that maintain an individual’s problems. The self-talk, or positive self-statements are soundless, mental speech you can use when you are thinking about something, planning, or trying to solve a problem. The self-talk can do a lot to give you the confidence that frees you to use your talents to the fullest. Here are 5 strategies to help you keep your self-talk in check: Fine-tune your self-talk.  During the day ask yourself, “What am I saying to myself right now?”  Then write the thoughts and analyze the statements and the feelings behind them. Use uncomfortable emotions and moods such as stress, depression, and anxiety as a cue to listen to your self-talk.  Identify the feeling, then ask yourself, “What was I saying to myself right before I started feeling this way?” Compare your self-talk predictions (what you thought was going to happen) with what actually happened. If the reality is different, pinpoint where your self-talk needs adjustment. Get help from a friend, partner, or therapist. Find someone who can help you identify ways your self-talk is distorted and help you improve your self-talk. Find the statements that help you cope more effectively with stressful situations.   Replace Negative Self-Statements with Positive Ones Negative Self-Statement “I’ll never get this work done by tomorrow.” Positive Self-Statement “This is going to [...]

Dominance – Power – Control – Political Figures and Affairs – Have you been seduced by Narcissism?

First was the announcement of the separation, and then came the news of the child that was the result of an affair. Arnold Schwarzenegger, the former body builder, movie star, and California’s former Republican governor, and wife Maria Shriver, announced their separation on May 10th, 2011. One week later, Mr. Schwarzenegger, admitted that he had a child with a member of his household staff. Deceit, betrayal, and shame; these are just some of the feelings that a spouse who has been a victim of affairs might be experiencing. Schwarzenegger is just another political or public figure to announce being unfaithful to his spouse.   What is Narcissism? Narcissistic Personality Disorder is listed on The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th ed.  A personality disorder is an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from individual’s culture, is pervasive and inflexible, has an onset in adolescence or early childhood, is stable over time, and leads to distress or impairment. Narcissism is characterized by a sense of entitlement, feelings of grandiosity, a tendency to seek the attention of others, and interpersonal conflicts. Narcissists have a tendency to exaggerate achievements and express entitlement to recognition without having earned it. Here are some of the most common characteristics of a narcissistic personality type: feelings of being superior exaggeration of talents grandiose fantasies self-centered or self-referential behavior need for attention and admiration arrogant and proud high achievement   Being in a relationship with someone that might be demonstrating narcissistic personality type can leave you feeling that what you have to say or do is not important, your needs are never addressed and it may leave you feeling lonely. Here are some tips on how to [...]

Você Está Cansado De Discutir? Aqui Estão Dez Dicas Para Resolução De Conflitos

Todos os casais têm diferenças e desacordos, o conflito faz parte de nossas vidas. No entanto, muitos casais têm dificuldades de ouvir e entender um ao outro, levando a muitos argumentos, brigas e até separação. Muitos estudos mostram a quantidade de discordâncias não estão relacionados à felicidade conjugal, tanto quanto como eles são manipulados. A verdade é que os casais felizes não evitam desentendimentos, eles resolvê-los, permanecendo respeitoso do outro, reforçando assim a sua relação. Muitos conflitos entre os parceiros tornam-se “quente”, com alto níveis de raiva e frustração. E ao em vez de se falarem assertivamente, os casais começam a  acusar, criticar, ou gritar um com outro. Ao invés de ouvir ativamente, eles interrompem, menosprezam e ignoram um ao outro. Quando estamos em um estado “escalado”, acabamos geralmente dizendo ou fazendo coisas que depois nos arrependemos.  Além disso, é quase impossível ter uma conversa produtiva levando a uma resolução quando os parceiros estão irritados e frustrados. Em casos como este, um plano de “time-out” ou “intervalo” pode ser benéfico. Um time-out pode dar a os casais a oportunidade de arrefecer, reconhecer seus sentimentos e necessidades, e começar a pensar produtivamente novamente sobre como abordar os problemas que enfrentam. Uma vez que você teve a oportunidade de acalmar, você pode usar esses dez passos que são simples e eficaz para resolver conflitos. Estas medidas irão ajudar você a evitar os padrões destrutivos do passado. Define um tempo e lugar para a discussão. Depois de ter solicitado um pedido de tempo para si mesmo, comunique ao seu parceiro o quão importante este assunto é para ambos e defina um tempo e lugar para ter a discussão. Define o problema, seja específico. Analise a questão atual e permaneça no tópico, não vá ao passado. Liste as maneiras [...]

Are You Tired of Fighting? Here Are Ten Tips for Conflict Resolution

All couples have differences and disagreements; conflict is part of life.  However, many couples have difficulties listening and understanding each other, leading to many arguments, fights and even separation. Many studies show the amounts of disagreements are not related to marital happiness as much as how they are handled. The truth is that happy couples do not avoid disagreements; they resolve them while remaining respectful of each other, thereby strengthening their relationship. Many conflicts between partners become heated as levels of anger and frustration rise. And instead of them speaking assertively, couples begin to accuse, criticize, or yell. Rather than listening actively, they interrupt, belittle, and ignore. When we are in a state of escalation, we usually say or do things we later regret. Additionally, it is almost impossible to have a productive conversation leading to a mutually agreed upon resolution when partners are angry and frustrated. In instances such as this, a time-out plan can be beneficial. A time-out will give couples the opportunity to cool down, recognize their feelings and needs, and begin to think productively again about how to approach the issues they face.  Once you had the opportunity to calm down you can use these ten steps that are simple and effective to solve conflicts. These steps will help you avoid the destructive patterns of the past. Set a time and place for discussion. Once you have requested a time-out for yourself, communicate to your partner how important this issue is for both of you and set a time and place to have the discussion. Define the problem, be specific. Analyze the current issue and stay on topic. List the ways you contribute to the problem. Think about how you might [...]

4 Coisas que Você Deve Saber Antes De Se Casar

O casamento real acontecerá no dia 29 de Abril. Na internet, na TV podemos ver notícias e mais notícias sobre o casamento. Queremos saber sobre a o local do casamento, quem são as pessoas convidadas, o que a Kate Middleton vai vestir. Este é o conto de fadas que todas as meninas querem ver. Toda menina lê contos de fadas onde o príncipe salva a mulher, e quando ela cresce, a mesma mensagem é reforçada através de comédias românticas, onde o amor vence todas as coisas. As mulheres aprendem que o amor é suficiente para fazer tudo funcionar. Nós gastamos muito tempo planejando o dia do casamento, as flores, o local, a comida, e tudo mais que faz parte da cerimônia. A febre do casamento é hoje uma industria de US $ 40 bilhões por ano. Shows sobre casamento na TV colocam mais pressão nos detalhes do casamento do que na relação. Nós gastamos mais tempo se preparando para o dia do casamento do que se preparando para viver o resto de nossas vidas juntos. O erro número 1 que cometemos é acreditar que vamos construir um relacionamento sólido por estarmos apaixonados um pelo outro. Estar apaixonado é uma experiência emocional e obsessiva. Emoções mudam com o tempo, e obsessões se desaparecem. Varias pesquisas mostram que o tempo de vida do estao de  "paixão" e  “obsessão” é de dois anos. Para alguns, talvez seja um pouco mais, para outros casais um pouco menos. Depois de sair do estado de paixão, as nossas diferenças começam a surgir. A experiência de paixão se esgota, e nesse ponto querem se retirar, divorciar, se separar, e  então eles partem em busca de uma experiência de “paixão nova. Voc ê gostaria de estabelecer uma forte fundação para o seu relacionamento? E se você esta [...]