love languages

Home/Tag:love languages

"Adult romantic love is an attachment bond, just like the one between mother and child." Sue Johnson Society has told us that in order to be independent, healthy adults, we need to separate ourselves from our parents, and learn to not depend on them for nurturing and comfort. However, the need to depend on one person, to know that when we call, that person will be there for us, never disappears. As psychiatrist John Bowlby said, “from the cradle to the grave,” we need to have someone to be there for us from the moment we are born until the moment we die. For this reason, romantic love is not illogical; it is, in fact, the continuation of an ordered plan for our survival. However, there is a difference: our partner doesn’t not have to be there physically. As children, we needed our caregivers in order to safe and protected. As adults, we can use mental images of our partner to call up a sense of connection. Whenever I have to do a presentation, I get anxious and nervous. What I do to calm down, is to picture my husband in mind and his encouraging words. The Laws of Love - 1

The Science of Love -1

“The eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love.” Margaret Atwood  You know that feeling; that feeling of longing. It’s the ache that something vital is missing from your life. You want more; more meaning, more connection, more energy – more something. Longing is that feeling that course through your body just before you decide that you’re restless, lonely, or unhappy. Longing is not a state of mind, it’s physical. Your whole body craves some essential nutrient that it’s not getting, that is quite difficult to define. Sometimes you can numb this ache with a deep dive into work and television. More often than not, though, these and other attempts to fill the aching void are just temporary distractions. What you are longing for is love. Love is the essential nutrient that your cells crave: true positive connection with other living beings. Love nourishes your body the way the right balance of sunlight, nutrient soil, and water nourishes plants and allow them to flourish. The more you experience it, the more you open up and grow, becoming wiser and more attuned, more resilient and effective, happier and healthier. You grow spiritually as well, better able to see, feel, and appreciate the deep interconnections that tie you to others. Just as your body was designed to extract oxygen from the earth’s atmosphere, and nutrients from the foods you ingest, your body was designed to love. New science of love for the first time is able to prove this to be true. We know today, that the love you do or do not experience may quite literally change key aspects of cellular architecture that affect [...]

It is difficult to talk to my partner. How do I get my partner to open up?

Every couple has a dance, a cycle. There are moments that the couple is fully in sync with each other, but there are moments of missteps. In the dance of tango there is no script, is the connection with the partner that determines the next step. If we are not in sync, we will step on each other toes. Every couple has those moments, but we need to repair the disconnection. Complaints and criticism towards our partner are not the best ways to repair the disconnection. These actions may lead our partner to shut down and be distant emotionally. It's important to do some self-evaluation. Are you emotionally and physically available to your partner? Is it easy for your partner to access you? Is your partner able to share his or her feelings with you? Whenever someone is struggling, the person will send out some signals. Can you pick up the signals your partner is sending you? A good start is to begin a conversation about the sense of disconnection you have noticed and difficulty both of you are having in communicating with one another.  Ask your partner about the things you might be doing that are causing him or her to shut down. This is a difficult step, but it can be helping in restoring connection.   When listening, keep your mind and heart open to hear your partner's views of the problem. Make sure to set aside any kind of judgment about the things your partner is sharing with you. Be humble to see that there are new things to be learned. Let the words come and have an impact in your life. Listening to your partner's perspective, shows that you respect his or her thoughts and [...]

The Laws of Love – 1

"The primary and main human instinct is neither sex nor aggression. It is to seek contact and comforting connection from another being."  Sue Johnson   English psychiatrist, John Bowlby, was the first to give us an understanding of love. Bowlby suggested that all of us are designed to love a few others to keep us feeling safe and protected from birth until the time we die. Sue Johnson, in her book "Love Sense," says that "although sex may push us to mate, it is love that guarantees our existence." When we come into the world, our attachment system has been hard-wired to seek connection with another human being. If you watch a baby being born, you will notice the way the baby will reach out to connect to the person who has been carrying him or her for nine months. The brain attachment system moves us to pursue physical closeness and build interactions with a few of our closest people, beginning with our mother. Reference: Johnson, S. M. (2013). Love sense: The revolutionary new science of romantic relationships.

5 Tips To Show Your Love After Valentine’s Day

As the candles have been blown out, the romantic dinners had, gifts exchanged, and memories created, what do you do now to keep the love moving forward? Just because Valentines Day is over does not mean you have to stop showing the love that you have for someone. Love should not require us to show our significant others the love that they deserve just once a year, but instead daily. Love is something that, given enough tenderness, will grow deeper than you can imagine. Many people have this thought that once Valentines Day is over, that’s it. No need to be extra romantic or extra special towards the one you care for. However, it is even more important to show your significant other after the holiday to remind them what a major factor they are in your life. Here are some simple things to do to keep that romance alive through the year: 1. Flowers – Girls love flowers. Even better, your girl loves flowers sent to her job with a secret little note reminding her of how incredible she is to you. It makes everyone around her jealous and makes her blush and feel important. 2. Dinner – Don’t let going out or cooking for your significant other happen once a year. Make it a romantic occasion at least once a month. Find their favorite recipe, light some candles, put on some romantic music, and when they walk in the door, sweep them off their feet. It’s not every day that someone will sweep his or her significant other off the floor by going above and beyond. Who knows, you might have the romantic evening returned one day! 3. Baths – Really. After a [...]

5 Hot Date Night Ideas He’ll Love

Everyone knows that guys take girls out all the time on dates. However, in this modern society, it’s becoming socially acceptable for women to take their men out too. What is it that you do though with the man that you are spending time with getting to know? There are so many suggestions and ideas out there that sometimes it can get all too overwhelming. Here are some places to start that we hope will help! 1. Your man enjoys the craftier things in life… Craft beer that is. If your man is like most and enjoys beer, you might want to see if he is into craft beers and IPA’s. You might even recommended going to a few of the local breweries around town and watch him light up. The other nice thing is there are generally a few bars or restaurants you can go to that have some really nice wine or appetizers that you could get to enjoy so you’re not left out! 2. Does your man scream and yell… as his team scores the winning point? The one thing men can’t seem to get enough of is their sports. While this may seem the norm for some people, you would be surprised how many women floor their man by purchasing great floor seats to a basketball game, seats above the dugout, or right by the penalty box. Men like to see that you have the same interests as them so if you happen to like a sport he does, surprise him with tickets one day. Even better, ask if you can wear one of his jersey’s when you go to the game together, cheer extra loud for his team, and enjoy [...]

3 Needs Of Your Workaholic Partner

Do you ever feel that your partner never has time for you?  Is your husband spending long hours at work and very short hours at home?  Is your wife always exhausted when she sees you? If you are answering yes to these questions, you might be in a relationship with a workaholic.  The vocation is the life of the workaholic.  This person is married, usually with children, but is obsessed with the career.  He can’t understand why his wife is not happy with his accomplishments and the things he is providing.  But for the workaholic, it’s not about the money – it’s a search for meaning.  His life is completely out of balance.     In order to understand your partner, it’s important to understand the inner drive motivating his behaviors. These are the 3 inner needs of individuals we call workaholics: 1. Need for significance.  Many workaholics suffer from a deep feeling of inferiority.  This feeling is probably rooted in childhood when parents relayed the message, “You are not as smart as your brother.  You are not as good as your sister.” The work is an attempt to overcome the feelings of inferiority. 2.  Need to be loved.   Many workaholics also feel unloved.  The messages they received from their parents were, “We love you if get straight A’s.  We love you if you make your bed and do the dishes.”  The conditional love prepares the child to be become a workaholic adult. 3. Need for achievement.  The workaholic believes that the best way to accomplish something of value is to seek the career with passion, to gather a successful financial portfolio, a big house and a nice car.  The workaholic is constantly [...]

3 Steps You Must Take To Insure Your Marriage Is Alive And Healthy

I have learned that when couples get engaged, they spend most of their time and energy planning the wedding.  Frequently, forgetting to nurture their relationship now.   The focus tends to be in the future since it is exciting to look forward to marriage and dream of how wonderful life will be, but it is also important to be realistic and talk about some of your expectations. Many married couples do not understand why the marriage did not turn out the way they expected.  Taking the time to look at your present relationship and your expectations for the future will insure that your marriage is based on solid principles. Here are 3 steps you must take to keep your marriage alive and healthy: 1. Put your relationship first.  Right now you can say that you are putting your relationship first, however, life will hit you – children, career, sports, hobbies, friends, church activities will take your time and attention.  Couples need to consistently refocus and come back to each other and make time for the relationship. 2.  Commit to grow together.  To build a strong relationship it’s important that couples are committed to grow and change together.  When a couple is not truly committed, it is easier to give up when problems arise.  A commitment to growth goes beyond of “sticking together,” it’s a commitment to adapt to each other’s changing needs. 3. Work at staying close.  The key to a successful marriage is entering the marriage with the attitude that it takes work to stay close.  Many different activities will pull you away and it is important that when you find yourself overcommitted to pace yourself and say no when you need to.  When trying [...]

4 Coisas que Você Deve Saber Antes De Se Casar

O casamento real acontecerá no dia 29 de Abril. Na internet, na TV podemos ver notícias e mais notícias sobre o casamento. Queremos saber sobre a o local do casamento, quem são as pessoas convidadas, o que a Kate Middleton vai vestir. Este é o conto de fadas que todas as meninas querem ver. Toda menina lê contos de fadas onde o príncipe salva a mulher, e quando ela cresce, a mesma mensagem é reforçada através de comédias românticas, onde o amor vence todas as coisas. As mulheres aprendem que o amor é suficiente para fazer tudo funcionar. Nós gastamos muito tempo planejando o dia do casamento, as flores, o local, a comida, e tudo mais que faz parte da cerimônia. A febre do casamento é hoje uma industria de US $ 40 bilhões por ano. Shows sobre casamento na TV colocam mais pressão nos detalhes do casamento do que na relação. Nós gastamos mais tempo se preparando para o dia do casamento do que se preparando para viver o resto de nossas vidas juntos. O erro número 1 que cometemos é acreditar que vamos construir um relacionamento sólido por estarmos apaixonados um pelo outro. Estar apaixonado é uma experiência emocional e obsessiva. Emoções mudam com o tempo, e obsessões se desaparecem. Varias pesquisas mostram que o tempo de vida do estao de  "paixão" e  “obsessão” é de dois anos. Para alguns, talvez seja um pouco mais, para outros casais um pouco menos. Depois de sair do estado de paixão, as nossas diferenças começam a surgir. A experiência de paixão se esgota, e nesse ponto querem se retirar, divorciar, se separar, e  então eles partem em busca de uma experiência de “paixão nova. Voc ê gostaria de estabelecer uma forte fundação para o seu relacionamento? E se você esta [...]

4 Things You Must Know Before Getting Married – The Royal Wedding

The royal wedding is less than a week away. We can’t get enough news about the wedding. We want to know about the location, who are the people invited, what Kate Middleton is going to wear. This is the fairy tale that all girls want to see. Every girl reads fairy tales where the prince saves the woman, and when she gets older, the same message is reinforced through romantic comedies, where love conquers all things. Women learn that love is enough to make it all work. We spend a lot of time planning the wedding day, the flowers, the venue, the food, and everything else that goes along with the ceremony. The wedding fever is now a $40-billion-a-year business. The wedding shows like Say Yes To The Dress and My Fair Wedding place more pressure on the details of the wedding than the relationship. We spend more time preparing for the wedding day than we do preparing to live the rest of our lives together. The number # 1 mistake we make is to believe that we will build a solid relationship by being “In-Love.” Being in love is an emotional and obsessive experience. Emotions change, and obsessions fade. Research has shown that the life span of the “in-love” obsession is two years. For some, maybe be a bit longer, for other couples a bit less. After we come off of the in-love rush our differences begin to emerge. The in-love experience runs out, couples fall out of love, and at that point they either withdraw, separate, divorce; and they set off in search for a new in-love experience.   So how can you set a good and solid foundation for your relationship? And if [...]