forgiveness

Lying: The Hidden Truth

Many couples face a point in their relationship where the other partner does or says something that affects the relationship, and denies it. The lie can come from many different points from being an emotional lie to a physical lie. If your partner lies to you, or others you know, would you stand up for them, or for yourself?

It’s never something easy to deal with a lie. In modern society, it has become the easiest thing to do. From creating an online persona, to cheating, drugs, or even forgetting to do a small chore and hiding it, lying is becoming simpler and increasingly more part of our nature.

Many studies have found the ugly side of humans. Everyone lies left and right! A 6-month baby will start to deceit parents using the crying in order to connect with parents.  That is a survival mechanism.  In order to survive, the baby has to attach to the parent.

Also, parents will lie to their kids all the time!  What are some of the biggest lies your parents told you growing up?  Santa Claus?

Much of our day-to-day conversation has moved online and we still have the same old anxieties about telling the truth.

What are some of the common lies told by men and women?

Women lie about their age, weight
Men lie about height, the number of sexual partners

And the list can go on…

Since online we lose the clues we would get from face-to-face interactions, it makes it more difficult to spot a liar, and easier for liars to deceive those they are interacting with.

Another thing we must be careful of is self-deception and the lies we tell ourselves. How many times do you lie to yourself on a daily basis? […]

By |February 6th, 2013|Categories: Blog|Tags: , , |0 Comments

3 Needs Of Your Workaholic Partner

Do you ever feel that your partner never has time for you?  Is your husband spending long hours at work and very short hours at home?  Is your wife always exhausted when she sees you?

If you are answering yes to these questions, you might be in a relationship with a workaholic.  The vocation is the life of the workaholic.  This person is married, usually with children, but is obsessed with the career.  He can’t understand why his wife is not happy with his accomplishments and the things he is providing.  But for the workaholic, it’s not about the money – it’s a search for meaning.  His life is completely out of balance.

 

 

In order to understand your partner, it’s important to understand the inner drive motivating his behaviors. These are the 3 inner needs of individuals we call workaholics:

1. Need for significance.  Many workaholics suffer from a deep feeling of inferiority.  This feeling is probably rooted in childhood when parents relayed the message, “You are not as smart as your brother.  You are not as good as your sister.” The work is an attempt to overcome the feelings of inferiority.

2.  Need to be loved.   Many workaholics also feel unloved.  The messages they received from their parents were, “We love you if get straight A’s.  We love you if you make your bed and do the dishes.”  The conditional love prepares the child to be become a workaholic adult.

3. Need for achievement.  The workaholic believes that the best way to accomplish something of value is to seek the career with passion, to gather a successful financial portfolio, a big house and a nice car.  The workaholic is constantly searching for significance in the wrong places.

If your […]

Dominance – Power – Control – Political Figures and Affairs – Have you been seduced by Narcissism?

First was the announcement of the separation, and then came the news of the child that was the result of an affair. Arnold Schwarzenegger, the former body builder, movie star, and California’s former Republican governor, and wife Maria Shriver, announced their separation on May 10th, 2011. One week later, Mr. Schwarzenegger, admitted that he had a child with a member of his household staff. Deceit, betrayal, and shame; these are just some of the feelings that a spouse who has been a victim of affairs might be experiencing. Schwarzenegger is just another political or public figure to announce being unfaithful to his spouse.

 

What is Narcissism?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is listed on The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th ed.  A personality disorder is an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from individual’s culture, is pervasive and inflexible, has an onset in adolescence or early childhood, is stable over time, and leads to distress or impairment.

Narcissism is characterized by a sense of entitlement, feelings of grandiosity, a tendency to seek the attention of others, and interpersonal conflicts. Narcissists have a tendency to exaggerate achievements and express entitlement to recognition without having earned it. Here are some of the most common characteristics of a narcissistic personality type:

feelings of being superior
exaggeration of talents
grandiose fantasies
self-centered or self-referential behavior
need for attention and admiration
arrogant and proud
high achievement

 

Being in a relationship with someone that might be demonstrating narcissistic personality type can leave you feeling that what you have to say or do is not important, your needs are never addressed and it may leave you feeling lonely. Here are some tips on how to handle this type of relationship:

Stop criticizing and start encouraging solutions. Putting […]

What Happens To Love After Marriage? Tips for Becoming an Effective Communicator of Love

What happens to love after you have been in a relationship for a while?  What happens to love after you get married?  The desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. There are thousands of books on this subject.  On television, radio, the internet and movies, we see people in search for love. Keeping the love alive is a big deal! But even with all of the help, we are still struggling to keep love alive. So, what is going on?  It turns out that people speak different languages when it comes to love. Gary Chapman, the author of the New York Best Seller Book, “The 5 Love Languages,” Explains that we all speak different languages when it comes to love. Here is how it works:

 

Most of us grew up learning the language of our parents and siblings, which becomes our primary tongue. Later we learn different, additional languages, these become secondary languages.
We speak best our native language; we are most comfortable with our native language. The more we practice the secondary language, the more confortable we become communicating in this language.
If we only speak our native language, and we meet someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is very different from ours, our communication will be limited. We then rely on gesturing, pointing to things and so on.
In the area of love, it is very similar. Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English.

 

Therefore, we must be willing to learn our partner’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.

The reality is that we are very different, unique human beings. […]

Are You Considering Divorce? Here are 6 New Attitudes You Can Adopt To Improve Your Marriage

Are you thinking about getting a divorce?  Have you tried different things to improve your marriage but nothing seems to work?  In the beginning you were extremely happy before marriage and expected that the marriage would only enhance your relationship with your partner.  For some couples, their marriage did not live up to the dreams they had about how life would be after marriage.  Some couples experienced joy for a while, however, now they are living in a valley of pain, emptiness and frustration.

You don’t want to divorce so you tried counseling, but somewhere along the way both of you gave up, you read books about marriage by yourself, and even tried to confront your partner in a gentle manner and your partner responded with silence making you react in negatively towards your spouse.

In every marriage, both partners can take positive steps that have the potential for changing the emotional climate in a marriage. Here are six new attitudes described by Chapman (2008) you can adopt to start making positive changes in your marriage.  Focus on reality by telling yourself:

You are responsible for own your attitude: the reality is that you can’t control the environment. Some situations are inevitable; however, you can choose to focus on what is positive in your life. Attitude has to do with the way you choose to look at a certain situation.
Your attitude affects your behavior: if you have a negative attitude, you will express it in negative words and actions. Chapman (2008) explained in his book Desperate Marriages that you may not be able to control your environment; however, you can control your attitude toward your environment. Your attitude and behaviors will greatly influence others.
You can’t change others, […]