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Top 4 Reasons that Couples Divorce

As we move into the beginning of a new year, many couples make the difficult decision to divorce. Statistics show that the month of January has the highest number of divorce filings nationwide. So why is that?  During the holidays, emotions are running high. Many couples who are having marital problems try and stay together through the holidays either for the children or to see if being together as a family during this time can strengthen the bonds between them. If you are experiencing any of the problems listed below, it is time to consider a divorce.    Your spouse is violent either physically or mentally toward you and/or your children. Violence should not be tolerated under any circumstance. Serial abusers will tell their victims that, “they can change” or “this will be the last time”, but too often that is not the case. If you are being abused, seek shelter and assistance from either family or a shelter. Your spouse is in denial about a drug or alcohol abuse problem. If you spouse abuses either drugs or alcohol and doesn’t admit to the problem and the problems it is bringing to your family, you need to consider leaving. For some addicts, the realization that their spouse is leaving the relationship due to this problem can force them to admit they have a problem and seek help. Your spouse is having an affair. Having an affair does not automatically mean the end to the marriage. However, if your spouse is ready to move on with the other person and has no intention of ending the affair, it is time for you to move on as well. Your spouse is controlling your life. When you are [...]

Anger Management Therapy for Me?

We are all aware of the term "Anger Management". When we hear it, we may think of the movie starring Jack Nicholson as a therapist who has his patient move in with him for therapy. We may also think about the new TV show with Charlie Sheen starring as a therapist to an eclectic group suffering from "anger issues".  Or we may think Anger Management therapy is for someone else and not for us. Regardless of out initial thoughts, Anger Issues have been around for generations, are here to stay and are on the rise in our society. The next time you become angry, answer the questions below. If you can answer yes to any of them, you could benefit from therapy. Do you feel ready to "lash out" physically or verbally at the person who has angered you? Do you feel ready to "lash out" physically or verbally at anyone who may come into contact with you during your anger? Do you feel the need to physically harm yourself? Do you feel the urge to destroy property?   Fallout from mismanaged anger can have devastating effects on you, your relationships, and those around you. These effects include: divorce, domestic violence, addiction and in severe cases mass homicide and suicide. What benefits can you expect from Anger Management Therapy? Less Stress - Just talking about your anger and it's triggers can make you feel less stressed. In addition, you will learn tools and techniques to recognize when you are becoming angry and how to diffuse that anger. Improved Health - Anger takes a physical toll on your body. This toll can include high blood pressure, overeating and physical harm to yourself. Therapy can help to [...]

3 Needs Of Your Workaholic Partner

Do you ever feel that your partner never has time for you?  Is your husband spending long hours at work and very short hours at home?  Is your wife always exhausted when she sees you? If you are answering yes to these questions, you might be in a relationship with a workaholic.  The vocation is the life of the workaholic.  This person is married, usually with children, but is obsessed with the career.  He can’t understand why his wife is not happy with his accomplishments and the things he is providing.  But for the workaholic, it’s not about the money – it’s a search for meaning.  His life is completely out of balance.     In order to understand your partner, it’s important to understand the inner drive motivating his behaviors. These are the 3 inner needs of individuals we call workaholics: 1. Need for significance.  Many workaholics suffer from a deep feeling of inferiority.  This feeling is probably rooted in childhood when parents relayed the message, “You are not as smart as your brother.  You are not as good as your sister.” The work is an attempt to overcome the feelings of inferiority. 2.  Need to be loved.   Many workaholics also feel unloved.  The messages they received from their parents were, “We love you if get straight A’s.  We love you if you make your bed and do the dishes.”  The conditional love prepares the child to be become a workaholic adult. 3. Need for achievement.  The workaholic believes that the best way to accomplish something of value is to seek the career with passion, to gather a successful financial portfolio, a big house and a nice car.  The workaholic is constantly [...]

Love Recipe – Create Chemistry in Your Relationship

Are you in search for the Love Potion Number 9 to restore the romance back in your relationship?  Once the honeymoon phase is over and the newness is gone, we need to find new ways to keep the fire going.   It takes commitment to the relationship to make small changes in our thinking and how we relate to one another to bring back the passion.   Research has found that the right kinds of hormones, oxytocin and testosterone not only can help us reduce stress; they also have a lot to do with romantic love.   Oxytocin is the hormone of love and testosterone is the hormone of desire.  When women are feeling happy and they are in love, their oxytocin levels are high.  Whatever makes a man feel successful, gives him a sense of achievement, thus will raise his testosterone levels and give him energy. Every time we hug or kiss someone we love, oxytocin levels go up.  Also, oxytocin plays an important role in making couples feel connected with one another.  This hormone is stimulated during sexual intimacy, touching during a massage or holding hands. Both oxytocin and testosterone are involved in everlasting passion.  Also they are signs of good health. When our bodies are under high levels of stress for long periods of time, oxytocin and testosterone levels go down.  We can say that our lifestyles do not help our relationships stimulate the production of the right hormones.  We have friends and family we love, but we don’t have the time to spend with them.  Unresolved emotional conflicts, such as financial stress, divorce, loneliness, keep us from connecting effectively with our partners. We arrive home from work too tired and exhausted to create good [...]

4 Coisas que Você Deve Saber Antes De Se Casar

O casamento real acontecerá no dia 29 de Abril. Na internet, na TV podemos ver notícias e mais notícias sobre o casamento. Queremos saber sobre a o local do casamento, quem são as pessoas convidadas, o que a Kate Middleton vai vestir. Este é o conto de fadas que todas as meninas querem ver. Toda menina lê contos de fadas onde o príncipe salva a mulher, e quando ela cresce, a mesma mensagem é reforçada através de comédias românticas, onde o amor vence todas as coisas. As mulheres aprendem que o amor é suficiente para fazer tudo funcionar. Nós gastamos muito tempo planejando o dia do casamento, as flores, o local, a comida, e tudo mais que faz parte da cerimônia. A febre do casamento é hoje uma industria de US $ 40 bilhões por ano. Shows sobre casamento na TV colocam mais pressão nos detalhes do casamento do que na relação. Nós gastamos mais tempo se preparando para o dia do casamento do que se preparando para viver o resto de nossas vidas juntos. O erro número 1 que cometemos é acreditar que vamos construir um relacionamento sólido por estarmos apaixonados um pelo outro. Estar apaixonado é uma experiência emocional e obsessiva. Emoções mudam com o tempo, e obsessões se desaparecem. Varias pesquisas mostram que o tempo de vida do estao de  "paixão" e  “obsessão” é de dois anos. Para alguns, talvez seja um pouco mais, para outros casais um pouco menos. Depois de sair do estado de paixão, as nossas diferenças começam a surgir. A experiência de paixão se esgota, e nesse ponto querem se retirar, divorciar, se separar, e  então eles partem em busca de uma experiência de “paixão nova. Voc ê gostaria de estabelecer uma forte fundação para o seu relacionamento? E se você esta [...]

Are You Considering Divorce? Here are 6 New Attitudes You Can Adopt To Improve Your Marriage

Are you thinking about getting a divorce?  Have you tried different things to improve your marriage but nothing seems to work?  In the beginning you were extremely happy before marriage and expected that the marriage would only enhance your relationship with your partner.  For some couples, their marriage did not live up to the dreams they had about how life would be after marriage.  Some couples experienced joy for a while, however, now they are living in a valley of pain, emptiness and frustration. You don’t want to divorce so you tried counseling, but somewhere along the way both of you gave up, you read books about marriage by yourself, and even tried to confront your partner in a gentle manner and your partner responded with silence making you react in negatively towards your spouse. In every marriage, both partners can take positive steps that have the potential for changing the emotional climate in a marriage. Here are six new attitudes described by Chapman (2008) you can adopt to start making positive changes in your marriage.  Focus on reality by telling yourself: You are responsible for own your attitude: the reality is that you can’t control the environment. Some situations are inevitable; however, you can choose to focus on what is positive in your life. Attitude has to do with the way you choose to look at a certain situation. Your attitude affects your behavior: if you have a negative attitude, you will express it in negative words and actions. Chapman (2008) explained in his book Desperate Marriages that you may not be able to control your environment; however, you can control your attitude toward your environment. Your attitude and behaviors will greatly influence others. [...]