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What Happens To Love After Marriage? Tips for Becoming an Effective Communicator of Love

What happens to love after you have been in a relationship for a while?  What happens to love after you get married?  The desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. There are thousands of books on this subject.  On television, radio, the internet and movies, we see people in search for love. Keeping the love alive is a big deal! But even with all of the help, we are still struggling to keep love alive. So, what is going on?  It turns out that people speak different languages when it comes to love. Gary Chapman, the author of the New York Best Seller Book, “The 5 Love Languages,” Explains that we all speak different languages when it comes to love. Here is how it works:   Most of us grew up learning the language of our parents and siblings, which becomes our primary tongue. Later we learn different, additional languages, these become secondary languages. We speak best our native language; we are most comfortable with our native language. The more we practice the secondary language, the more confortable we become communicating in this language. If we only speak our native language, and we meet someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is very different from ours, our communication will be limited. We then rely on gesturing, pointing to things and so on. In the area of love, it is very similar. Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English.   Therefore, we must be willing to learn our partner’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love. The reality is that [...]

Are You Considering Divorce? Here are 6 New Attitudes You Can Adopt To Improve Your Marriage

Are you thinking about getting a divorce?  Have you tried different things to improve your marriage but nothing seems to work?  In the beginning you were extremely happy before marriage and expected that the marriage would only enhance your relationship with your partner.  For some couples, their marriage did not live up to the dreams they had about how life would be after marriage.  Some couples experienced joy for a while, however, now they are living in a valley of pain, emptiness and frustration. You don’t want to divorce so you tried counseling, but somewhere along the way both of you gave up, you read books about marriage by yourself, and even tried to confront your partner in a gentle manner and your partner responded with silence making you react in negatively towards your spouse. In every marriage, both partners can take positive steps that have the potential for changing the emotional climate in a marriage. Here are six new attitudes described by Chapman (2008) you can adopt to start making positive changes in your marriage.  Focus on reality by telling yourself: You are responsible for own your attitude: the reality is that you can’t control the environment. Some situations are inevitable; however, you can choose to focus on what is positive in your life. Attitude has to do with the way you choose to look at a certain situation. Your attitude affects your behavior: if you have a negative attitude, you will express it in negative words and actions. Chapman (2008) explained in his book Desperate Marriages that you may not be able to control your environment; however, you can control your attitude toward your environment. Your attitude and behaviors will greatly influence others. [...]