4 R’s for Getting Through an Affair, Lying, and Cheating

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Sourced from http://fitsnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/lance-armstrong-doping.jpg February 12th, 2013

Listen to the clip from this segment by clicking here.

Lance Armstrong – Wow!  Are you surprised by his confessions?

Armstrong, 41, admitted for the first time that his decade-long dominance of cycling and seven wins in the Tour de France were owed, in part, to performance-enhancing drugs and oxygen-boosting blood transfusions. He told Winfrey that he was taking the opportunity to confess to everything he had done wrong, including angrily denying reports for years claiming that he had been doing this.

So why do people lie?

We learn to lie around ages 4-5 and we do so in order to not get in trouble.  At that age, the child is learning and forming language and definitely testing boundaries.

As adults, people lie in order to protect themselves, make themselves look good, for personal gain, financial gain and to avoid punishment.

I believe that we expect that people in certain positions, politicians, celebrities and so on, that they are going to be honest and truthful and when we hear that they have lied, is like a break of a bond or unspoken agreement.

The reality is that all people will lie, but when can it be so harmful?  In our intimate relationships, lying and deceit will only harm the relationship.

Also cheating, that is something that most people when confronted with will lie that it ever happened until all the facts come up and there is no other way but come clean up.

Many Hollywood couples have in recent times faced this issue including:

  • Kristen Stewart
  •  Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
  • Tiger Woods
  • Jesse James and Sandra Bullock

Cheating and why do people cheat?

The truth is that the answer to this question is not that simple.  When I am asked that question I try to show how many different factors can influence and lead someone to cheat.

First, more often than not, people cheat because of different problems in the relationship such as not feeling connected, feeling lonely, or feeling that they are not important enough to the other person.

Another explanation of why people cheat is that through evolution we were wired to seek out different mates in order to increase our chances to spread our offspring.

Although, we may be wired that way, not everyone out there is cheating. However, recent studies show that 30-60% of husbands and wives will cheat.

How do people come to the decision to cheat?

Cheating is more complex than we think.  When someone makes a promise to be faithful, I believe that they have all the intention of keeping their word, however, in certain situations, logic and reason, have to now compete with emotions.

Who is a bigger cheater man or women?

  1. Men are more likely to cheat with someone who is less attractive than their current partner.
  2. Women on the other hand, they cheat up, while men are opportunistic.
  3. Women are more likely to have emotional affairs, while men are more likely to have one night stand.
  4. Men are less likely to leave their partners after an affair, while women because of their emotional involvement, are more likely to consider ending their current relationship.

So how do you prevent infidelity?  And how do you recover from an affair?

We are talking about cheating and why people cheat.  But after going through an affair how do you recover from it? How do you confront the other person?  And could you ever forgive the other person?

Remember the 4 R’s:

  1. Responsibility
  2. Remorse
  3. Repair
  4. Steps to not repeat behavior

Pay attention to situations that will put you at risk:

  1. Being close to someone other than your spouse.
  2. Being around someone who is sexually attracted to you.
  3. Spending a lot of time one-on-one with someone.
  4. Not feeling close or connected to you your spouse.
  5. Opportunities that create a feeling of “No one will ever know” such as business trips.
  6. Situations that involve alcohol or drugs

What about will power or self-control?  I say, don’t rely on that alone.

You are not able to control your partner, or your partner social activities.  What you can do are things to improve your relationship, which will decrease the chances of infidelity from occurring.

More questions about cheating, lying, affairs, or relationships?  Send your questions to: marta@martakellyrocha.com.

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