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4 Tips to Not Sacrifice Yourself in a Relationship

 Why change who you are to who you aren’t?

Remember that first date you went on with your significant other? Yea, the night that you guys went out, shared a meal (or a movie), maybe held hands, possibly kissed? What was it about them that made you fall for them? A good amount of the time their personality and ability to click is what makes you fall for them (and of course, looks help too). But what happens when you start dating, and further down the road you begin to sacrifice little things (possibly big), and suddenly, you are not the person you were before?

When you are in a relationship, so many people are willing to sacrifice who they are to make the other person happy. Stop right there. Rewind. Don’t do it.

Why? Here’s some reasons why:

– If you truly care for and love that person, and they you, there should be no need to change who you are for them. Is that not what made you click in the first place?

– The fact that he likes Spiderman and you prefer Batman, that he enjoys gaming while you enjoy clubbing with the girls, or maybe that he likes going to the beach and surfing but you cannot stand the sun are what make each person unique.

– Little things that you enjoy should not be sacrificed, you are giving up who you are to be someone you are not.

I understand that there is a need to nix a bad habit or silly thing now and then, but do not under any circumstance shift your entire personality to be someone you are not. If anything, get to know each other more and find out what it is […]

3 Needs Of Your Workaholic Partner

Do you ever feel that your partner never has time for you?  Is your husband spending long hours at work and very short hours at home?  Is your wife always exhausted when she sees you?

If you are answering yes to these questions, you might be in a relationship with a workaholic.  The vocation is the life of the workaholic.  This person is married, usually with children, but is obsessed with the career.  He can’t understand why his wife is not happy with his accomplishments and the things he is providing.  But for the workaholic, it’s not about the money – it’s a search for meaning.  His life is completely out of balance.

 

 

In order to understand your partner, it’s important to understand the inner drive motivating his behaviors. These are the 3 inner needs of individuals we call workaholics:

1. Need for significance.  Many workaholics suffer from a deep feeling of inferiority.  This feeling is probably rooted in childhood when parents relayed the message, “You are not as smart as your brother.  You are not as good as your sister.” The work is an attempt to overcome the feelings of inferiority.

2.  Need to be loved.   Many workaholics also feel unloved.  The messages they received from their parents were, “We love you if get straight A’s.  We love you if you make your bed and do the dishes.”  The conditional love prepares the child to be become a workaholic adult.

3. Need for achievement.  The workaholic believes that the best way to accomplish something of value is to seek the career with passion, to gather a successful financial portfolio, a big house and a nice car.  The workaholic is constantly searching for significance in the wrong places.

If your […]

Multicultural Psychology Today

Multicultural Psychology Today
“We become not a melting pot but a beautiful mosaic. Different people, different beliefs, different yearnings, different hopes, different dreams.” Jimmy Carter

 

The United States is the perfect example of a multicultural country. The United States is the home to millions of people with all different kinds of backgrounds. Therefore, we can assume that most of the people we encounter on a daily basis are culturally different from us.
 
What does this mean for working professionals?
Being aware of one’s own culture is the first step in achieving success. What does your culture say about yourself? What does your culture think about other cultures? Those are some great questions to think about. This hopefully leads to the recognition of your own biases toward people from other cultures. From this point on the best thing to do is to start familiarizing yourself with different cultures. This refers to cultivating cultural intelligence.

 
Ways to acquire cultural intelligence:

Join a professional or social group that has diverse membership
Attend group functions where you are an outsider and different from others
Create friendships with people different than you
Make it a point to meet different people at meetings/functions
Attend community functions or exhibits that reflect different cultures other than your own
Host a party inviting people from different cultures

 
Multiculturalism in the Business Setting
Especially in the business setting it is crucial to be culturally intelligent. You have to know who your target market is, what their values are, and how you can best reach them. Part of the marketing process is to be able to identify the client’s needs.
To identify your client’s needs you need to consider the following:

Cultural Values
Gender Roles
Communication Styles
Translation and Interpreters
Levels of literacy and English skills

 

As you can see, culture is all around us. […]

By |March 22nd, 2012|Categories: Adults, Blog, Family, Featured||0 Comments

Positive Self-Talk – 5 Strategies To Monitor Your Self-Talk

Thinking in a positive way and stopping the negative thinking pattern is a good strategy you can use to handle the stress you might be experiencing in just about any circumstance. A positive mood can increase your ability to process new information and it helps improve your self-esteem.

Can you teach yourself to think positively? ABSOLUTELY! You can use cognitive restructuring, a process of replacing the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that maintain an individual’s problems. The self-talk, or positive self-statements are soundless, mental speech you can use when you are thinking about something, planning, or trying to solve a problem. The self-talk can do a lot to give you the confidence that frees you to use your talents to the fullest.

Here are 5 strategies to help you keep your self-talk in check:

Fine-tune your self-talk.  During the day ask yourself, “What am I saying to myself right now?”  Then write the thoughts and analyze the statements and the feelings behind them.
Use uncomfortable emotions and moods such as stress, depression, and anxiety as a cue to listen to your self-talk.  Identify the feeling, then ask yourself, “What was I saying to myself right before I started feeling this way?”
Compare your self-talk predictions (what you thought was going to happen) with what actually happened. If the reality is different, pinpoint where your self-talk needs adjustment.
Get help from a friend, partner, or therapist. Find someone who can help you identify ways your self-talk is distorted and help you improve your self-talk.
Find the statements that help you cope more effectively with stressful situations.

 

Replace Negative Self-Statements with Positive Ones

Negative Self-Statement

“I’ll never get this work done by tomorrow.”

Positive Self-Statement

“This is going to be tough but it is still possible to do it.”

“If I work […]

Are You Tired of Fighting? Here Are Ten Tips for Conflict Resolution

All couples have differences and disagreements; conflict is part of life.  However, many couples have difficulties listening and understanding each other, leading to many arguments, fights and even separation. Many studies show the amounts of disagreements are not related to marital happiness as much as how they are handled. The truth is that happy couples do not avoid disagreements; they resolve them while remaining respectful of each other, thereby strengthening their relationship.

Many conflicts between partners become heated as levels of anger and frustration rise. And instead of them speaking assertively, couples begin to accuse, criticize, or yell. Rather than listening actively, they interrupt, belittle, and ignore. When we are in a state of escalation, we usually say or do things we later regret. Additionally, it is almost impossible to have a productive conversation leading to a mutually agreed upon resolution when partners are angry and frustrated. In instances such as this, a time-out plan can be beneficial. A time-out will give couples the opportunity to cool down, recognize their feelings and needs, and begin to think productively again about how to approach the issues they face.  Once you had the opportunity to calm down you can use these ten steps that are simple and effective to solve conflicts. These steps will help you avoid the destructive patterns of the past.

Set a time and place for discussion. Once you have requested a time-out for yourself, communicate to your partner how important this issue is for both of you and set a time and place to have the discussion.
Define the problem, be specific. Analyze the current issue and stay on topic.
List the ways you contribute to the problem. Think about how you might be affecting the […]

4 Things You Must Know Before Getting Married – The Royal Wedding

The royal wedding is less than a week away. We can’t get enough news about the wedding. We want to know about the location, who are the people invited, what Kate Middleton is going to wear. This is the fairy tale that all girls want to see. Every girl reads fairy tales where the prince saves the woman, and when she gets older, the same message is reinforced through romantic comedies, where love conquers all things. Women learn that love is enough to make it all work.

We spend a lot of time planning the wedding day, the flowers, the venue, the food, and everything else that goes along with the ceremony. The wedding fever is now a $40-billion-a-year business. The wedding shows like Say Yes To The Dress and My Fair Wedding place more pressure on the details of the wedding than the relationship. We spend more time preparing for the wedding day than we do preparing to live the rest of our lives together.

The number # 1 mistake we make is to believe that we will build a solid relationship by being “In-Love.” Being in love is an emotional and obsessive experience. Emotions change, and obsessions fade. Research has shown that the life span of the “in-love” obsession is two years. For some, maybe be a bit longer, for other couples a bit less. After we come off of the in-love rush our differences begin to emerge. The in-love experience runs out, couples fall out of love, and at that point they either withdraw, separate, divorce; and they set off in search for a new in-love experience.

 

So how can you set a good and solid foundation for your relationship? And if you have been […]

Facebook and Your Relationship – 3 Tips On How Facebook Can Improve Your Relationship

Is Facebook flirting harmless?  Should you be Facebook friends with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend?  Is the reconnection to the past actually harming your relationship?

Facebook was designed to help people stay connected with one another.  When people accept you as a Facebook friend, that is their way of say, “Hey, I care!”  Mark Zuckerberg, co-founder of Facebook, said that when he created Facebook with his friends, they wanted to create a world that was open, where they would be able to share information about themselves, and see information about their friends as well.  And that’s how it is!  Today we have access to very close, intimate, personal information about our friends. We get to see them having fun, see their pictures, share moments, comment on their posts, and so on. Facebook has really changed the dynamics of relationship!

 

Here are some interesting statistics about Facebook:

 

By February of 2010 they had 400 million users
Average user has 130 friends

 

Is Facebook getting a bad “rap?”  Is Facebook to blame for the break ups and divorces?

The reality is that there have been a lot of breaks up and it all has started on Facebook.
In 2010, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reported Twenty percent of divorces involve Facebook and 80 percent of divorce lawyers have reported a spike in the number of cases that use social media for evidence.

 

 

Although Facebook has been seen as a problem for couples, it can actually be a great tool to connect and interact with your partner.  Here is how you can use Facebook to improve your relationship:

 

1. Set Your Relationship Status:  because this is one of the first pieces of information your friends will see, setting your status is one of the most important […]

Restore Hope and Faith

Do feel frustrated, angry, or unappreciated? Do you feel lonely, or depressed? You are not alone. The turns and roadblocks you are experiencing in your journey can take an emotional toll on your life. You may feel discouraged, hopeless and confused, but it does not have to continue this way. My goal is to help you restore hope and faith back into your life.
By |February 23rd, 2011|Categories: Featured||0 Comments

Live Your Life

I am passionate about teaching, supporting, guiding, and inspiring others to live their lives to the fullest, regardless of circumstances. Whether you are feeling stuck or defeated, here you will find the support to help you make the most out of the challenges in life.
By |February 23rd, 2011|Categories: Featured|Tags: |0 Comments