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"Adult romantic love is an attachment bond, just like the one between mother and child." Sue Johnson Society has told us that in order to be independent, healthy adults, we need to separate ourselves from our parents, and learn to not depend on them for nurturing and comfort. However, the need to depend on one person, to know that when we call, that person will be there for us, never disappears. As psychiatrist John Bowlby said, “from the cradle to the grave,” we need to have someone to be there for us from the moment we are born until the moment we die. For this reason, romantic love is not illogical; it is, in fact, the continuation of an ordered plan for our survival. However, there is a difference: our partner doesn’t not have to be there physically. As children, we needed our caregivers in order to safe and protected. As adults, we can use mental images of our partner to call up a sense of connection. Whenever I have to do a presentation, I get anxious and nervous. What I do to calm down, is to picture my husband in mind and his encouraging words. The Laws of Love - 1

A ciência do amor – 1

Sabe aquela sensação; aquele sentimento de saudade? É a dor que algo vital está faltando em sua vida. Você quer mais; mais significado, mais respeito, mais energia - mais alguma coisa. Saudade é aquela sensação de que algo no seu corpo está errado antes de você decidir que você está inquieto, só ou infeliz. Saudade não é um estado de espírito, é físico. Todo o seu corpo anseia por algum nutriente essencial que ele não está recebendo, que é bastante difícil de definir. Às vezes você pode entorpecer essa dor com um mergulho profundo no trabalho e na televisão. Na maioria das vezes, porém, essas e outras tentativas para preencher o vazio doloroso são distrações apenas temporárias. O que você está desejando é o amor. O amor é o nutriente essencial que suas células anseiam: uma conexão positiva verdadeira com os outros seres humanos. O amor alimenta seu corpo de maneira que traz o equilíbrio certo como a luz sol e água nutrem as plantas e permitir-lhes florescer. Quanto mais você experimentá-lo, mais você vai abrir e crescer , tornando-se mais sábio e mais sintonizado , mais resistente e eficaz, mais feliz e mais saudável. Você cresce espiritualmente, torna-se mais capaz de ver, sentir e apreciar as interconexões profundas que o une aos outros. Assim como seu corpo foi projetado para extrair oxigênio da atmosfera da Terra e os nutrientes dos alimentos que ingere, o seu corpo foi projetado para amar.

How Can I Benefit From Counseling?

In the United States, there has been an unfortunate stigma attached to individuals that seek counseling. Whether it is couples counseling to improve a marriage, or individual therapy to help you cope with depression or anger management, admitting that you are in counseling is taboo to most Americans. So if you are dealing with a situation in your personal life, your marriage, or your family, what are the benefits of seeking counseling?   Improved Communication – All of our relationships whether at work or in our personal lives rely on communication. Yet, far too often when we communicate, our messages either aren’t getting through or are misinterpreted by the person receiving the message. A trained counselor can show you how your current method of communication is lacking and provide you tools for getting your message heard. Improved Self-Esteem – Between societal norms, opinions from our family and friends and our own opinions, our self-esteem takes a beating. When we begin to have feelings of low self-esteem, it can be hard to even talk to our friends and family about how we are feeling. A certified counselor can help you work through these feelings and get you back on track. Happier Family – When we are working through issues, we often take out our feelings and frustrations on those that are closest to us. By seeking support from a counselor, you can work through these feelings and issues and create a happier environment for yourself and your family. April has been designated as counseling awareness month. In an effort to support and promote counseling, I will be putting together several articles throughout the month. If you are struggling with feelings and emotions, don’t hesitate to reach [...]

5 Hot Date Night Ideas He’ll Love

Everyone knows that guys take girls out all the time on dates. However, in this modern society, it’s becoming socially acceptable for women to take their men out too. What is it that you do though with the man that you are spending time with getting to know? There are so many suggestions and ideas out there that sometimes it can get all too overwhelming. Here are some places to start that we hope will help! 1. Your man enjoys the craftier things in life… Craft beer that is. If your man is like most and enjoys beer, you might want to see if he is into craft beers and IPA’s. You might even recommended going to a few of the local breweries around town and watch him light up. The other nice thing is there are generally a few bars or restaurants you can go to that have some really nice wine or appetizers that you could get to enjoy so you’re not left out! 2. Does your man scream and yell… as his team scores the winning point? The one thing men can’t seem to get enough of is their sports. While this may seem the norm for some people, you would be surprised how many women floor their man by purchasing great floor seats to a basketball game, seats above the dugout, or right by the penalty box. Men like to see that you have the same interests as them so if you happen to like a sport he does, surprise him with tickets one day. Even better, ask if you can wear one of his jersey’s when you go to the game together, cheer extra loud for his team, and enjoy [...]

3 Steps You Must Take To Insure Your Marriage Is Alive And Healthy

I have learned that when couples get engaged, they spend most of their time and energy planning the wedding.  Frequently, forgetting to nurture their relationship now.   The focus tends to be in the future since it is exciting to look forward to marriage and dream of how wonderful life will be, but it is also important to be realistic and talk about some of your expectations. Many married couples do not understand why the marriage did not turn out the way they expected.  Taking the time to look at your present relationship and your expectations for the future will insure that your marriage is based on solid principles. Here are 3 steps you must take to keep your marriage alive and healthy: 1. Put your relationship first.  Right now you can say that you are putting your relationship first, however, life will hit you – children, career, sports, hobbies, friends, church activities will take your time and attention.  Couples need to consistently refocus and come back to each other and make time for the relationship. 2.  Commit to grow together.  To build a strong relationship it’s important that couples are committed to grow and change together.  When a couple is not truly committed, it is easier to give up when problems arise.  A commitment to growth goes beyond of “sticking together,” it’s a commitment to adapt to each other’s changing needs. 3. Work at staying close.  The key to a successful marriage is entering the marriage with the attitude that it takes work to stay close.  Many different activities will pull you away and it is important that when you find yourself overcommitted to pace yourself and say no when you need to.  When trying [...]

What Happens To Love After Marriage? Tips for Becoming an Effective Communicator of Love

What happens to love after you have been in a relationship for a while?  What happens to love after you get married?  The desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. There are thousands of books on this subject.  On television, radio, the internet and movies, we see people in search for love. Keeping the love alive is a big deal! But even with all of the help, we are still struggling to keep love alive. So, what is going on?  It turns out that people speak different languages when it comes to love. Gary Chapman, the author of the New York Best Seller Book, “The 5 Love Languages,” Explains that we all speak different languages when it comes to love. Here is how it works:   Most of us grew up learning the language of our parents and siblings, which becomes our primary tongue. Later we learn different, additional languages, these become secondary languages. We speak best our native language; we are most comfortable with our native language. The more we practice the secondary language, the more confortable we become communicating in this language. If we only speak our native language, and we meet someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is very different from ours, our communication will be limited. We then rely on gesturing, pointing to things and so on. In the area of love, it is very similar. Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English.   Therefore, we must be willing to learn our partner’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love. The reality is that [...]

12 Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics

Alcoholism, known as “alcohol dependence syndrome” is a disease that is characterized by craving, loss of control and physical dependence. Alcoholics, as well as being victims themselves, have an adverse impact on those with whom they associate. Research has shown that children of alcoholics develop some personalities traits that may impact their lives as an adult. Here are 12 characteristics of adult children of alcoholics described by Woitiz (1988): 1.Adult children of alcoholics guess what normal behavior is. 2.Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end. 3.Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth. 4.Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy. 5.Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun. 6.Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships. 7.Adult children of alcoholics over-react to changes over which they have no control. 8.Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation. 9.Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people. 10.Adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super irresponsible. 11.Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even if in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved. 12.Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. Research shows that adult children of alcoholics are at risk at becoming alcoholics, abusing drugs, attempting or committing suicide.  Also, they may develop patterns of compulsive behavior such as overeating and other eating disorders. And adult children of alcoholics tend to marry alcoholics partners. If you are an adult child of an alcoholic remember that you are not alone. Millions of people have grown up in families with alcohol-related problems. Because of the environment you grew up in, you had to develop [...]