Every couple has a dance, a cycle. There are moments that the couple is fully in sync with each other, but there are moments of missteps. In the dance of tango there is no script, is the connection with the partner that determines the next step. If we are not in sync, we will step on each other toes.
Every couple has those moments, but we need to repair the disconnection.
Complaints and criticism towards our partner are not the best ways to repair the disconnection. These actions may lead our partner to shut down and be distant emotionally.
It’s important to do some self-evaluation.
- Are you emotionally and physically available to your partner?
- Is it easy for your partner to access you?
- Is your partner able to share his or her feelings with you?
- Whenever someone is struggling, the person will send out some signals. Can you pick up the signals your partner is sending you?
A good start is to begin a conversation about the sense of disconnection you have noticed and difficulty both of you are having in communicating with one another. Ask your partner about the things you might be doing that are causing him or her to shut down. This is a difficult step, but it can be helping in restoring connection. When listening, keep your mind and heart open to hear your partner’s views of the problem. Make sure to set aside any kind of judgment about the things your partner is sharing with you. Be humble to see that there are new things to be learned. Let the words come and have an impact in your life. Listening to your partner’s perspective, shows that you respect his or her thoughts and feelings.
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