Many couples face a point in their relationship where the other partner does or says something that affects the relationship, and denies it. The lie can come from many different points from being an emotional lie to a physical lie. If your partner lies to you, or others you know, would you stand up for them, or for yourself?

It’s never something easy to deal with a lie. In modern society, it has become the easiest thing to do. From creating an online persona, to cheating, drugs, or even forgetting to do a small chore and hiding it, lying is becoming simpler and increasingly more part of our nature.

Many studies have found the ugly side of humans. Everyone lies left and right! A 6-month baby will start to deceit parents using the crying in order to connect with parents.  That is a survival mechanism.  In order to survive, the baby has to attach to the parent.

Also, parents will lie to their kids all the time!  What are some of the biggest lies your parents told you growing up?  Santa Claus?

Much of our day-to-day conversation has moved online and we still have the same old anxieties about telling the truth.

What are some of the common lies told by men and women?

  • Women lie about their age, weight
  • Men lie about height, the number of sexual partners

And the list can go on…

Since online we lose the clues we would get from face-to-face interactions, it makes it more difficult to spot a liar, and easier for liars to deceive those they are interacting with.

Another thing we must be careful of is self-deception and the lies we tell ourselves. How many times do you lie to yourself on a daily basis? I know for me, when I wake up in the morning I have fallen into a habit of telling myself that I’m not worth the good things that are happening. That’s a lie that roots itself deep into my mind and begins to amount other lies around it. Throughout the day, you could have multiple lies form around just one that you let slip into yourself.

However, according to studies, self-deception is psychologically healthy as long as it’s done to think more positive. These lies may include: “You did great!”, “ You are awesome”,  “Don’t worry, everything is going to be okay”.

It alleviates stress, benefits relationships, and makes us more resilient.  Self- deception is a basic feature of the human mind.

It helps decrease the anxiety about the world around us.

Although a little bit of self-deception is good, when it comes to the core challenges of adult life: career, money, sexual identity, marriage, fooling ourselves can have devastating consequences.

  • Choosing a career because you can the job well but it is not something you are passionate about.
  • Living beyond your means financially
  • Staying in destructive relationships, living in denial

Now that we have covered some topics regarding lying let’s talk about how you spot a liar.

How do you spot a liar?

1) How’s their eye contact? If they are avoiding eye contact, that’s a general sign of someone who is lying. They could also be staring you down to focus hard on their lie.

2) Someone who generally picks the most obscure topic point or focuses on detail and talks about that rather then the key topic is quite possibly a liar.

3) Can’t sit still and have the need to move a lot? Someone who is fidgety may be lying to you.

4) Touching your nose has been found by researchers to be a “dead giveaway”.

5) Trying to get more oxygen and breathing through their mouth rather then their nose could be a sign of a liar.

6) Those who pause or stall, even clearing their throat, could be a sign of someone who is lying.

7) Someone who has constant issues focusing and darts across the room with their eyes could be lying to you.

8) Without a question proposed to them, liars can quickly go on the defense.

9) Overly blinking, dilated pupils, pitch changes, lack of smiling, and shrugging of the shoulders are all possible signs of a liar.

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Marta Rocha

About the Author: Marta Rocha is a Mental Health Counselor. Marta is fluent in Portuguese, Spanish and English. Marta Rocha is specialized in the areas of Marriage Counseling, Family Issues, Stress Management, Leadership Training, Anxiety, Depression, Sports Psychology, Grief, and Substance Abuse & Addictions. Marta Rocha has 12 years of experience in sales & marketing, advertising, promotions, management, and professional development. Her professional affiliations are with the American Counseling Association, and the American Association of Christian Counselors.

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