Unhappy Couple on CouchThere are many major life moments that each person may go through. Some are easier than others, and then you have the truly hard ones. The hardest thing for most people to go through is breaking up with someone that they care intimately about for multiple reasons. When you share a connection with someone that you think may be the one and it comes to a point where your paths no longer are shared, breaking up is sometimes the answer. Often times, when someone leaves a significant other, they have regrets and consider reconciling and getting back together with them.

In a recent study, 44% of emerging adults in the last two years have had a reunion with their ex. With emotions being incredibly intense after a break-up, it is no wonder people may have the regret of breaking up and want to reconcile. However, it is important to look at the situation and evaluate why you left that person in the first place. There is the old saying that many people say of “Your ex is an ex for a reason”.

So should you reconcile with your significant other? Take a look at why they are your ex and what made you incompatible with them in the end. These are some reasons why you should not reconcile with an ex:

1. You changed who you were for them – Many times in relationships, one, or both parties, will change who they are for the other person. Yes, there is such thing as changing for the better, but you cannot sacrifice all of who you are for someone else. If you did this, get back to who you are, not who you “were” for that person.

2. You both were argumentative – Of course there is a time in a relationship (or multiple times) where you will get into an argument, however, when it is on a consistent basis and becomes more focused on the same repetitive argument, it’s a clear sign that you shouldn’t be with them.

3. When your gut instinct tells you not to – As humans, we are given a gut instinct for a reason. When we are going into a troubled situation, our body has the reaction to tell us that something is wrong. If you feel uncomfortable, stressed, or not sure if it’s the right thing to do, sit down and listen to yourself. Find out why you do not want to do this and see if they are valid reasons.

4. They are constantly harassing you – Do not let someone else bully you into being in the relationship. This right here can relate back to being in a possibly abusive relationship where the other party is being controlling. Yes, this person may have been the love of your life at one point, but if they are being harassing and you want to move on, then do not stop yourself from moving on.

5. Friends and Family Support Your Decision – Do you have your friends and family backing up the decision? This is another clear factor in determining if you should or should not get back together with an ex. If everyone has told you what a good thing it is that you are no longer with them and given extremely valid reasons why they did not think it was a good relationship, it may be time to listen.

Needless to say, breaking up is going to be hard to do. It is not going to feel good, it is definitely not going to be easy, and you have to remember to not maintain contact when you finally decide to break it off. Keep your friends and family close, as this support will help you get through it.  Ways you can avoid falling into the getting back with your ex routine are to go out, meet new people, try new adventures, find who you are again, and even take a vacation. Just remember, you do have the support you need from others, just ask!


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Marta Rocha

About the Author: Marta Rocha is a Mental Health Counselor. Marta is fluent in Portuguese, Spanish and English. Marta Rocha is specialized in the areas of Marriage Counseling, Family Issues, Stress Management, Leadership Training, Anxiety, Depression, Sports Psychology, Grief, and Substance Abuse & Addictions. Marta Rocha has 12 years of experience in sales & marketing, advertising, promotions, management, and professional development. Her professional affiliations are with the American Counseling Association, and the American Association of Christian Counselors.

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