Is there life after divorce? And how is it that I deal with my ex if there is no trust? These are just some of the questions that might be going through your mind if you are going through a separation or a divorce. When you set up your wedding ceremony and said, “I do” no one was expecting a divorce. We are told that people are to stay together forever. So when divorce hits, it’s a shock. Sometimes it comes slowly, or it could drag for years. And it may feel at times that you are going through an emotional roller coaster. Divorce is a loss of the hopes, dreams, expectations, and beliefs the couple had shared and created together. Allow yourself to work through the stages of grief, assess the emotional damage, and get support from friends and family.
Here are some tips to guide through the process of divorce recovery.
- Start grieving. Divorce is like a death. When a couple is torn apart for many different reasons, the relationship dies. This loss is very similar to the passing of a loved one. Even when you are still angry with your ex, you will miss the intimate relationship and the life you once had. Don’t avoid the feelings of grief; these emotions are normal and you are not alone – others are experiencing similar problems. Divorce recovery will take time, so don’t expect your emotions to stabilize right away. Take it step-by-step, day-by-day.
- Work through the anger and learn to forgive. The anger, disappointment, and pain of divorce can remain with you long after you signed the divorce papers. The anger you may hold inside you will become bitterness, and bitterness can actually shape your personality so that you face life with a negative attitude. The best thing you can do is to work through your own anger and bring in forgiveness into this relationship. If you choose to let go of the anger, you’re the one who benefits. Forgiveness is ultimately good for you. It helps you put the past behind you and move into the future.
- Help your children by telling the news of the divorce with both parents together. Make sure that the reasons for the separation were presented in ways that the children could understand. Emphasize your love for the children and assure them they were not the cause of the divorce. And specifically tell the children how their lives would be affected and get them involved in the planning and scheduling of time they will spend with each parent.
- Develop a positive self-image. One of the consequences of a divorce is a damaged self-image. You may have self-doubts, second-guessing, and perhaps even feel like a failure. Find activities that make you feel good about yourself and give up a sense of accomplishment. Surround yourself with people that are emotionally healthy and will inspire you. Finally, set some short-term goals that you know you can accomplish in order to experience success.
- Never walk alone. Find a support group for people that are going through a separation and divorce. A support group provides a chance for struggling people to talk honestly with others going through the same experience. The group experience may provide you with the opportunity to dig deeper into personal issues, but also offer friendship and encouragement as you share your common experiences.
Latest posts by Marta Rocha (see all)
- - February 1, 2015
- The Science of Love -1 - February 1, 2015
- It is difficult to talk to my partner. How do I get my partner to open up? - February 1, 2015