Do you ever feel that your partner never has time for you? Is your husband spending long hours at work and very short hours at home? Is your wife always exhausted when she sees you?
If you are answering yes to these questions, you might be in a relationship with a workaholic. The vocation is the life of the workaholic. This person is married, usually with children, but is obsessed with the career. He can’t understand why his wife is not happy with his accomplishments and the things he is providing. But for the workaholic, it’s not about the money – it’s a search for meaning. His life is completely out of balance.
In order to understand your partner, it’s important to understand the inner drive motivating his behaviors. These are the 3 inner needs of individuals we call workaholics:
1. Need for significance. Many workaholics suffer from a deep feeling of inferiority. This feeling is probably rooted in childhood when parents relayed the message, “You are not as smart as your brother. You are not as good as your sister.” The work is an attempt to overcome the feelings of inferiority.
2. Need to be loved. Many workaholics also feel unloved. The messages they received from their parents were, “We love you if get straight A’s. We love you if you make your bed and do the dishes.” The conditional love prepares the child to be become a workaholic adult.
3. Need for achievement. The workaholic believes that the best way to accomplish something of value is to seek the career with passion, to gather a successful financial portfolio, a big house and a nice car. The workaholic is constantly searching for significance in the wrong places.
If your partner is a workaholic, it’s important to change your own negative attitude towards his behavior and focus on better understanding what inner needs might be driving his behaviors. When you are able to change your thinking and your negative responses, you are now able to see a new approach and allow love to do its powerful work.
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