Do you feel at times that you cannot handle your anger?   For some, anger is like an explosion, loud shouting, aggressive gesturing, and verbal abuse.  For others, anger is more like an implosion.  Many swallow the anger, without ever processing the offense.  Anger is like a poison; slowly sucks the love and joy out of any relationship.  Anger becomes resentment, making it very difficult to trust anyone, especially your partner.  Although we are told to let go of the anger, it is very hard to do so when someone so close has hurt us.

The feeling of being betrayed and the loss you may experience can be overwhelming and take a toll on you.   That is why we need to get rid off of the anger and resentment we have been holding for so long. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go of vengeance, payback, and negative thoughts towards the person that has hurt us in order to be released from the anger and resentment.  Being angry will continue to hurt and it leads to self-destructive behaviors.

So what can you do to start walking towards forgiveness?

How might have you contributed to the problem?  How have your own behavior led you both to this place of hurt.  Understanding your own contribution will help you shift some of the blame from your partner.

How is holding the grudge impacting the relationship?  Sometimes we may say that we have forgiven the
other person; however, our anger comes out in different areas, such as in the day-to-day activities.  Are you scared that your partner will hurt you again?  Has the anger become a shield of protection?  Reflect as to whether the grudge is really about your partner, or is it about past experiences of being hurt by the people you loved.  This process will help you identify how past offenses might be causing current problems in your relationship.

Communicate your feelings.   When we are hurt and betrayed, we immediately get angry, and at times we get stuck in the anger because we have not allowed ourselves to feel sad by our partner’s behaviors.  Once you express how sad you are, the feelings of anger will not be as strong and forgiveness will be easier.

“The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”  Mahatma Ghandi



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Marta Rocha

About the Author: Marta Rocha is a Mental Health Counselor. Marta is fluent in Portuguese, Spanish and English. Marta Rocha is specialized in the areas of Marriage Counseling, Family Issues, Stress Management, Leadership Training, Anxiety, Depression, Sports Psychology, Grief, and Substance Abuse & Addictions. Marta Rocha has 12 years of experience in sales & marketing, advertising, promotions, management, and professional development. Her professional affiliations are with the American Counseling Association, and the American Association of Christian Counselors.

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