Are you in search for the Love Potion Number 9 to restore the romance back in your relationship?  Once the honeymoon phase is over and the newness is gone, we need to find new ways to keep the fire going.   It takes commitment to the relationship to make small changes in our thinking and how we relate to one another to bring back the passion.   Research has found that the right kinds of hormones, oxytocin and testosterone not only can help us reduce stress; they also have a lot to do with romantic love.   Oxytocin is the hormone of love and testosterone is the hormone of desire.  When women are feeling happy and they are in love, their oxytocin levels are high.  Whatever makes a man feel successful, gives him a sense of achievement, thus will raise his testosterone levels and give him energy.

Every time we hug or kiss someone we love, oxytocin levels go up.  Also, oxytocin plays an important role in making couples feel connected with one another.  This hormone is stimulated during sexual intimacy, touching during a massage or holding hands. Both oxytocin and testosterone are involved in everlasting passion.  Also they are signs of good health.

When our bodies are under high levels of stress for long periods of time, oxytocin and testosterone levels go down.  We can say that our lifestyles do not help our relationships stimulate the production of the right hormones.  We have friends and family we love, but we don’t have the time to spend with them.  Unresolved emotional conflicts, such as financial stress, divorce, loneliness, keep us from connecting effectively with our partners. We arrive home from work too tired and exhausted to create good connection and romance.

Research shows that these hormones of love, desire and stress-reduction are linked to good health and loving relationships. When you are in love, you share love, you feel loved, you give love and you feel wonderful.  When your stress hormones are high, no matter what your partner does to show you love, you just don’t feel loved. Therefore, in order to have a true romantic connection with your partner, you need to learn to cope with your own stress, and once you are managing your own stress, you will be better equipped to help your partner deal with his or her stress.

Here are some tips to help your partner stimulate the hormones of love.

In women:

  • Help your partner cope with her sources of stress without adding your own stress to her list 
  • Share the homemaking and parenting responsibilities
  • Share the events and feelings of your day with her
  • Consistently think of ways to make her happy


In men:

  • Find ways to give your partner the message that he is successful in providing fulfillment to your life
  • Avoid being demanding
  • Ask for support and assistance in a way that is realistic for him and appreciate his efforts
  • Allow your guy to spend sometime in his “man cave,” he is restoring testosterone while he sits on the couch, watch TV or just hanging out with his homeboys


What can you start doing today to bring romance, love and passion back into your relationship?


References:  Gray, John ( 2010).  Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice.  Hormonal Balance – The Key to Life, Love and Energy.  Mind Publishing, Coquitlam, BC.

The following two tabs change content below.

Marta Rocha

About the Author: Marta Rocha is a Mental Health Counselor. Marta is fluent in Portuguese, Spanish and English. Marta Rocha is specialized in the areas of Marriage Counseling, Family Issues, Stress Management, Leadership Training, Anxiety, Depression, Sports Psychology, Grief, and Substance Abuse & Addictions. Marta Rocha has 12 years of experience in sales & marketing, advertising, promotions, management, and professional development. Her professional affiliations are with the American Counseling Association, and the American Association of Christian Counselors.

Latest posts by Marta Rocha (see all)